Dear Mr. Jefferson,
I am so very impressed with the enormity of your collection of books; I also have a great interest in books as you do. I know that you have said that you cannot live without books and I agree with this immensely. I was also very impressed with the great variety of books that you have in your collection. From books about gardening, to books about mathematics, I only dream of one day having a collection as great as yours. I also saw that you have a section of books that I am very interested in, books about the land and the ocean. There is one book in particular that caught my eye, this book being Journal of a cruise made to the Pacific Ocean by David Porter.
The reason that this specific book caught my attention is because I have always had a great love and respect for the ocean. Ever since the time I was a young child, and the Pacific Ocean in particular. I can remember being a little girl running on the beaches edge, watching the ebb and flow of the water, wondering why it moved like that. I myself was born in California, which is where my love for the ocean came from. Every chance that became available to me I would be at the waters edge looking for answers about the mystical thing that was staring me in the eyes. I could not get enough of the freezing cold water against my warm skin, and the crisp ocean breeze that came with the experience. I consider myself to be, in a way, raised by the ocean, it can teach you lessons that other things do not have the ability to. I would love to gain a greater amount of knowledge about this thing that has shaped my life so. With that I ask a favor, that I might borrow the book mentioned earlier, to better myself with education. I will take very good care of it, in the hopes that you allow me the honor of borrowing it. I give all my best to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Vivid word-picture of you at the ocean. The photo is great, too! Can you add apostrophes to phrases like "water's edge" and "beach's edge"? Also, you have one sentence that is actually two smooshed together. Just one of these, though, so that's good! Strong writing relies on effective verbs and nouns rather than leaning on words like "very." You have "very impressed" twice and "very interested" once. Just cut the very. A great line is, "I consider myself to be raised by the ocean." It's an effective way to show your connection to the ocean and its importance to you emotionally. Well done!
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